The Cover Letter I wish I could Send

2:25 and still no sleep, no profound moment, and no Cohen. I heard a creak that sounded like someone getting up, then the groan of the bed as if someone laying down, followed by a big ol’ dog sigh, so I think Amy wins the battle of the cuddly dog tonight, though she has no idea.

So seriously, some sleep would be nice. I mean, I got two days to go before I’m done, two night shifts left! I want some sleep, let alone that I need to be up to do laundry, go for a run, look and apply for jobs, and get to the bank before work. Buuuuuut not much I can do about it. Last night I picked up a dishwashing shifts. Near the end of the night a few of the managers had a bar meeting, and Nikki the manager comes back to me and says, “hey, Carl is the only line cook left tonight and he doesn’t know grill side very well so you may have to help him.” Mind you I’ve never been a cook there. But I said okay. Fast forward an hour and half, and after closing dish and helping Carl the cook a little bit, he turns to me and says, “you know, they should just make you a manager.” Talk about a sign it’s time to move on!

I’ve been thinking lately about what skills might transfer from working in the restaurant business to a more professional job. I’m debating about adding the following to my resume, what do you think?

•  Can carry 3 drinks in one hand and up to 5 drinks total without spilling
•  Mastered the craft of throwing paper coasters like ninja stars
•  Great ability to take criticism from total strangers and then forget it 10 seconds later
•  Can roll 50 pieces of silver in under 20 minutes

I’ve only been thinking this because I’ve finally realized how difficult it is to write an effective cover letter, let alone a standout resume. I mean seriously, maybe L. Woods in Legally Blonde had it right when she gave out a pink, scented resume. Cover letters are impossible though. You try to cram every explosive word you can think of into every sentence, not to mention it has to follow professional guidelines, and through the whole thing you have to prove to whomever is reading it that you are worthy of being interviewed. That’s just downright near impossible. Seriously, if I can tell you all there is you need to know about me in three short paragraphs, I am not worth knowing and have yet to live. It’s almost a joke to even try. Maybe I’ll try writing a reverse resume…sort of a you want me, not I want you kind of thing.

To Whom It May Concern:

The most impressive thing I have done in my life is catching a foul tip off a bat while playing catcher and falling down backwards during a little league baseball game. This is irrelevant to the position I am applying for but still is fairly impressive. While I am interested in this job, if I don’t get hired I’m just going to move on with my life and try again elsewhere. But please feel free to contact me for further information on how I think you can improve the logistical gains on your long-term investments through eradication of fringe profits and equity management.

People often describe me through song titles, most specifically Spose “I’m Awesome”. I have education experience which you can find in my resume. I am positive I can teach anything and I issue a challenge for you to try me on this one good sir or madam. I am a man of faith, deal with it. Your company will not be the most important thing in my life, that position is reserved for my wife and family. Finally, obviously I am going to say I am a good worker/good fit/hard worker/social magnificent human, but you shouldn’t believe me, which is why I intentionally included that list of references for you to call. In closing, what is important is not that I am worthy enough for you, but that your company is worth dedicating my life to. Thank you and I dare you to interview me.

Winner, out!

Andrew N. Winner

Sugar Cookie Coffee

I blame Jess my manager. It all started with a smile and an offer to have some sugar cookie coffee at the end of work. The coffee was amazing! It was so nice of her to bring it in to share. We made the coffee at the restaurant, poured a couple steaming mugs, and sat at the bar staring out the windows at the fresh snow on the ground. What a great moment….

That led to this…..

I can’t sleep. It is 1:46 in the morning and I find myself on the couch under the blanket after lying in bed not sleeping for the past hour. And not like the, “I’m drifting off to sleep and it’s just taking some time” can’t sleep. This is the, “eyes wide open I’m not sure I’ve blinked in the last 5 minutes” can’t sleep. So here I sit, patiently waiting for Cohen to start his tiresome trot up and down the stairs as he tries to decide who to fall asleep next to, me…or Amy.

I always feel like being up late should give me some profound wisdom and insight into life. Often, when my thoughts are heavy and deep, I’ll think to myself that maybe I should stay up all night to unwind the strands of interconnected  brain wire in my head, so I can of course put it back together in a better order that makes more sense of my life and the world around me. I don’t know why I think staying up will lead to this great personal revelation…maybe it is the quiet and still that comes only at night, when the sky is black and the stars shine brilliantly and silently….and everything seems calmer…on the inside and outside…………….no great moment yet.

Since it seems I may be waiting a while for a euphoric moment (and apparently Cohen who has remained defiantly upstairs), allow me to do a brief overview of my life right now. As of this Sunday I am unemployed….ugh! That is awful to write! But alas it is true. It has been my greatest desire for some time to say aloha to the serving world and move on with my life. It has been 3 years since I started at Applebee’s while attending Methesco and I finally hit the wall where I just need to move on, forcefully it appears. You know what is funny about it? Leading up to my hiring at Applebee’s I swore, many MANY times over, that I would never work in a restaurant….lol. But anyway, I digress. Leaving my current job, Smokey Bones, is definitely a leap of faith. I do not have another job lined up, I search everyday but have no great leads, I have no definitive direction I am heading….I just know I can do more with my life.

I don’t know if I have ever attempted to put more trust in God for my future, or anything for that matter. I am determined to move forward and to never go back to a restaurant. So much in fact, that for the next 3 weeks I have vowed to not go in to Smokey Bones and further, to not eat out at all. And I am excited about that part. One of the bad parts of serving is how sick you can get of people from dealing with them day in and day out. I need a break, from all the senseless talking and ramblings, the whining and complaining, the noise and chatter. Just tonight an elderly couple yelled at me across the restaurant:

Elderly man: “Hey! Our foods cold! Come over here!”

Andy the server: “I’m sorry. Is everything cold or just the pulled pork?”

Elderly man: “Everything! The pork! The mashed potatoes! My wife’s brisket is tough AND cold!”

Elderly man’s elderly wife: “My brisket is tough!”

Andy: “I apologize, would you like everything made new or something else altogether?”

Elderly man’s elderly wife: “HELLS NO! We aren’t staying here! This is horrible! Let’s go!”

Walk out on check; Exit; SCENE

 Aaaaaaand I’m excited to have a break from that. So much so I challenged my friend Josh tonight that I would pay for the gas if he was willing to walk out, get in my car, and drive until we saw my car’s thermometer reach 70 degrees. He declined, so I drove home watching the temperature fall to a body numbing 15. But again, I digress. The point is, as excited as I am, as nervous as I am, Sunday’s comin’ and when it hits I’m taking a huge step into a spacious unknown. I feel a little like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade when he has to walk across the air over a crevasse by only trusting God…except I don’t have a whip.

Volunteering- Who Knew?

Well I think I have to officially announce the extension of one of my 30@30 tasks.  Who knew volunteering would be so difficult? Not this guy! I figured once I got in touch with a few people and told them, hey, free labor, I could pick and choose what to do. But negative, for some reason it has been quite difficult so far to find a good volunteering start.

I do have two positions coming up that are exciting, not quite what I had in mind, but nonetheless volunteering. The first is working with a local church to start up a young adult program. The second is teaching/coaching basketball to little kids on Saturday mornings in Cranberry. So while it is volunteering, I’m not sure I will feel satisfied or like I can cross it off the list by doing these things.

So I am prepared to have to extend this one a little longer passed my birthday, but hey, that can’t really be a bad thing if it means I volunteer more!

Jobs+Search+Talent+Desire+Prayer+Smile!+Determination+Realistic=0.00

Want to know what I have dealt with over the last 5 years? And these are just the facts; this isn’t even the crazy serious parts of what it all adds up to! But go ahead, enjoy this little math trivia blog. 

·          Over the last 5 years I have applied to 156 jobs

·         That averages out to just over 31 jobs a year

·         That averages out to 2.58 cover letters made, resumes uploaded, and references attached every month.

In that time:

• ·         4.5-number of boxes of resume paper used
•       3-the number of boxes of letter length envelopes I've finished
• ·         14-the number of states I’ve applied in
• ·         2- the number of times I’ve been condescendingly lectured over the phone by human resource people for contacting departments directly
• ·         1-the number of times I was personally told to contact a department directly by a very high ranking college official
• ·         1, the number of times I was told by a mentor and college dean that a university needed me and my position like they needed a hole in the head
• ·         12, the number of applications I have sent to Wake County Schools in Raleigh, North Carolina
• ·         5, the amount of times I have been kicked off university job sites after an hour long application process because I don’t have a specific experience they were looking for.
• ·         Countless, the number of times I have had to upload a resume to a website and then had to fill-in my work experience in addition to the resume that ALREADY shows my work experience
• ·         Countless, the number of times I have prayed the same prayer and the number of times I have tried to twist it into something new even though it’s still the same.
• ·         4, the number of professional interviews I have gone through…out of 152 job applications
• ·         3, the number of times I can remember being told by strangers I waited on that I shouldn’t worry, God has something special planned for my life
• ·         2, the number of times I’ve applied to my high school alma mater
• ·         Countless, the number of times I have been told it only takes 1 job…does it still count if it doesn’t come along until you are 80?

What does this all add up to??? If you figure it out let me know.

The Extraordinary and Epic Tale of the Amazing Adventures of Charlie Roth and his many Challenges

Don’t you think the road is made easier by findings companions traveling the same way? The other day I gained some momentum for my 30@30 task by bumping into a fellow undertaking a similar challenge and it gave me some much needed confidence and energy!

Tuesday night I found myself sitting at the bar as I waited to hand in money and finish work. I was completely zoned out, trying to navigate the inner workings of my mind to figure out what I wanted to do next in life. I had officially handed in my 2 weeks that day, and slumping in the bar stool waiting on the manager, I had yet to reach the corner of my brain that held the great secret of what to do now. Suddenly, as if dropped from the sky, a man appeared next to me wearing trendy rimmed glasses and chanting, “Man night! Man night! Man night!” It was none other than the eternal optimist Charlie Roth! Just what I needed, a break from the cavernous mystery hunting for a couple Vanilla Java Porters and some spirited conversation with a few of the guys!

With my bar stool feeling much more comfortable, I began to listen to Charlie unravel his harebrained idea to complete 52 challenges over the course of the year (and I can call it harebrained cause I’m basically doing the same crazy thing!). I couldn’t believe my luck. Lately I had felt a lot like giving up on my 30@30, that it wasn’t worth it, took too much time, distracted from more…’important’ things. Hearing Charlie’s challenges felt like someone taking a sledgehammer and pounding the negativity back into the dark corners of my brain. After all, doesn’t always feel better to know you’re not the only crazy person trying to come up with a new idea? I don’t know, but I like the thought of knowing someone else out there is trying to intentionally create adventure and excitement in their life!

So this is my shout out, to Charlie Roth and his 52 challenges. I encourage the few I believe to be reading this to check out Charlie’s blog at www.dudesetc.blogspot.com and follow along as he tries to complete a challenge a week. He shared some of his list with me, and I promised him I wouldn’t mention any of the items, but they are good and I personally cannot wait to hear the stories that will come from these adventures! So here’s to you, Charlie Roth, a fellow traveler, a fellow list maker, a fellow achiever and chaser of dreams and a life worth living! The next round is on me!